Yesterday was a really bad day for me for some reason. I just was feeling "out of sorts," restless and eventually was suffering from sensory overload.
I tried dealing with the restlessness by finding a task to do that I could accomplish on my own. I think I have mentioned previously that I used to, when I got in a mood like this, go create something... paint something or create a different art craft project. Since I can't do those things anymore, I decided to paint a wall in our family room that I have been meaning to do for a few weeks. I went downstairs and gathered up all the stuff I needed and headed into the room. Unfortunately, my husband was in that room watching a football game and the looks from him I got were not exactly encouraging. Since the wall I wanted to paint would not block his view and painting isn't very noisy, I decided to go ahead with it. But then, he paused the game and got up to help me with it. That was the end of that project. His desire to help me was going to undo the feeling of accomplishment that I was looking for. His help and support are usually just what I need, but not then. All the painting supplies got set aside.
I did, then, go into the dining room and do a thorough cleaning on all our antique dining room chairs. Kept me busy for a while, but didn't achieve the desired effect. I tried sitting down to read, but there were just too many conflicting noises, thus began the sensory overload. I went outside in the quiet backyard, then the new neighbors starting working outside and talking quite loudly. By then I was feeling like pulling my hair out, just totally frustrated. It was close to dinnertime by then, so I had to tackle a decision of what's for dinner. Decisions are difficult on good days! I pulled it off though, fixed a creative and healthy meal with lots of depth of flavor... just what I love in a good meal. That actually helped some, being able to create something new and different to cook and it did end up making me feel like I had accomplished something.
Reading this, it seems like "what was the big deal"? The day doesn't sound so bad to someone not dealing with FTD. It is simply all the little frustrations of not being able to do the things I used to do sometimes leads to a little feeling sorry for myself.
That is the difference between a bad day and a good day. I need to focus on the things I can do and admit to myself and others what I can no longer do. This is something my therapist and I are working on. I have actually succeeded in doing it a couple times this week. Today became a better day when I admitted to my husband that I was not sure I could cope with going to the grocery store today, but that I was willing to try. He assured me that if it got too much for me, he would take me to the car and go back and finish up by himself. It turned out that the store was not overly crowded and we did not encounter anyone I had to try to converse with, so I made it through just fine! I even managed not to panic when I realized he was no longer with me. He had stayed behind to compare a couple different items and didn't realize I had continued on. I stopped where I was, moved a bit out of the way, and waited calmly until he reappeared. I also was able to calmly remind him that things like that make me panic. Small steps... they are sometimes the difference between a bad day and a good day.
No comments:
Post a Comment