I had great plans for today's blog. I did a lot of research about medications that are not the best choices for someone with FTD. Unfortunately, writing about that subject is going to have to wait until another time. There is no way I can do it today because my brain needs to be working in order to write about a subject this complex.
Before I started writing, I decided to check my emails. Included, was an email from the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation. Our state is so far behind most of the others in activating "Real ID" on drivers licenses. We are one of the reasons the federal government had to delay the requirement of having Real ID for boarding airplanes until 2020. Yep, our DOT's slow and sluggish reaction is causing a possible risk to our air safety. Welcome to Pennsylvania.
The email informs me that, after checking my records (which took them nearly a year), they discovered that they do not have all the necessary information on file. I clicked on the link they provided for a list of the documents that I will have to take to the DMV to obtain a new driver's license or ID card.
I now must find my original Birth Certificate. I actually know where this is, but it must have a raised seal. I am not sure mine does. Because my Birth Certificate is, of course, not in my married name, I must find my Marriage Certificate. What? I have no clue where that is or if we even have it. There are a few more requirements like proving I live at my address, etc. A valid US Passport would help, but if I am not mistaken, mine expired a month or two ago. And... if I read it correctly, if I were a legal immigrant, I would only need to present one document. That just doesn't seem right!
This kind of thing can be extremely overwhelming for someone with FTD. In fact, just meeting one of the requirements could be overwhelming to someone with FTD. I started panicking immediately upon reading the instruction brochure. Not only will I have to find all these documents for myself, but also for my husband as he is incapable of doing it. His passport expired nearly 10 years ago.
I keep trying to calm myself down because I do have a few months to get all the documents together. Unfortunately, calming down is not something I do easily. It is not just true for me, but the same for many others with FTD. When I get into that panic mode, my heart is racing, I literally pull on my hair and I am incapable of thinking about anything at all. Heaven help anyone who happens to ask me a question or tries to reason with me. It's not going to happen.
This is one of the things I harp on often because many caregivers still fail to realize it. We do not purposely react to circumstances in this way. It just happens and there is little, if anything at all, that we can do to calm ourselves down. In addition, at least with me, if someone tries to calm me down or tell me to "take it easy," it escalates. Many times, if I am asked what is wrong, I won't even be able to explain it anyway. I usually need to resolve it on my own. Knowing my husband is safely in his recliner watching (or sleeping) football, I have stayed in my room all afternoon to avoid conflict. That is often the best action for a caregiver to take... do nothing. Make sure we are safe and not banging our heads against the wall, then leave us alone to work it out and get ourselves calmed down. Yes, sometimes intervention is necessary, but not until you try the least confrontational methods first.
Running through my brain is: How do I get to the bank to go through the safe deposit box? Where did my husband keep the key? What do I do if we don't have the correct documents? How can I figure out how to get them? Why do I have to pay a one-time fee $30.00 for a "free" ID Card since I can't drive anyway? Leave it to the DMV to think this makes sense.
All I can say is welcome to my brain. It is nearly impossible for anyone who does not have FTD or other dementia to understand what happens when something like this pops up. I am exhausted from panicking, yet I know I will not sleep tonight (or maybe until I can get to the bank) because I will lay in bed worrying. Someone with a "normal" brain would just set the email and brochure aside and worry about it later, much later.
For me, it doesn't have to be something even as complicated as this issue (which is probably not complicated at all without FTD). This next scenario is another example:
I need to meet my my elder care attorney within the next couple weeks. He is also my financial adviser so we need to do it before the end of the month. His assistant has contacted me to change the appointment three times now. The last time was because the conference room is busy that day. I was thinking that since there will be only three of us, can't we meet in his office or something? After emailing back and forth several times, we found a new date that worked. Then, she writes back and says "Oh, we can meet on the original date. There's only three of us so we can meet in Jeff's office." And I'm the one with dementia??? I was ready to just cancel and find someone else. It was fortunate we were doing in via email. If we had been on the phone, that would have happened without a doubt.
This has been a long attempt at explaining how my brain gets so scrambled when facing things that it destroys my ability to set it aside and focus on things that I can do. Things like cutting things up to cook dinner without cutting myself, remembering to keep the sink spray nozzle aimed at the sink and not the middle of the room, remembering where I am in the house so I don't run into walls and all the things anyone with a non-FTD brain takes for granted. I did all three of these not-so-smart things today, along with many more. All because I decided to check my email before getting in to writing my blog.
Caregivers, please try to realize how an FTD brain works or, rather, doesn't work. Actually, could everyone plese realize this? Also, please don't then shake your head and say "there s/he goes again!" while we can still see and hear you. To the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation, could you please wake up, use some common sense and realize what you are asking of us? Could you not have done your part on a timely basis? To my hairdresser, "No, I have no idea why all my hair is missing! I wouldn't pull it all out, that would be downright silly!"
