I now hate making decisions. I hate making decisions because I can't make decisions, not because I don't want to make them. My husband has always pretty much left all the decision making about things, especially anything to do with the home, up to me. Since he would work 12+ hour days at his office, then come home and work a few more, he just didn't have the time or energy to deal with them. And, I will admit, because if I made them and they weren't right, I couldn't blame him. Who? Me?
My sister is learning to deal with this problem. After quite a few tearful experiences, she now will narrow things down to two options and offer them for me to choose. If I still can't decide, she decides for us, when she can. This happened when we were out shopping the other day. I had already decided which jeans I wanted to buy. Doesn't sound like much of a decision, does it? But it counts. Then she asked my opintion between two shirts she was considering. Those two decisions I was able to make. But when we were finished shopping and were heading to lunch, deciding where to go became too much for me. She again narrowed it down to two, but I said that I just couldn't handle another decision. So she decided, though she picked the safest alternative, our usual go to spot for lunch. She realized if I was overloaded that I could not make a decision, the quietest place and the most familiar place was the best. My husband is learning too, but it's taking a little longer since he has relied on my decision making for 42 years. Yes, they both still get frustrated some times when I can't decide, but we are learning...
My suggestion to you if you are dealing with someone with dementia? Narrow down the options as much as you can, hopefully to just two. If you can't do that, have the person help you eliminate definite no's. Then wait for a while, even if only a few minutes, before addressing it again. Don't allow it to come to the point of them becoming totally frustrated. Obviously, if it is a life or death, or a very important decision that needs to made immediately, make the choice for them. If you choose the wrong one, it will be okay.
1 comment:
Good Gravy your are chronicling my life. It's good to know I'm not alone. I was a Lineman working on power lines for 38 years. I stopped working last September because I could no longer make decisions. Dangerous in that line of work. I loved to cook and was a good one. Last week I walked to the store to try to procure something to cook for dinner. After about an hour in the store I came home with some frozen breaded chichicken breasts... When it rains it pours... I stuck one in the Microwave and the microwave smoked... That's my life now... Phoenix
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