Cookie Monster

After two days of barely eating anything, today seems like a good time to address dietary issues and there are a lot of tjem!

First, I will address the two days of barely eating anything. This happens sometimes, don't know why, don't know when, it just does. All of a sudden, I will look at food and not only does it not appeal to me, but my stomach will actually feel queasy. It is never that I am sick or have a stomach bug, it is simply that food has lost its appeal. Actually, I wish it would happen for longer periods of time as long as I could force myself to eat just enough to be nutritionally sound. I could actually lose weight.

This total rejection of food usually only lasts two or three days. My husband will practically force-feed me. He will mention any food in the house or from a nearby restaurant. Last night, he actually got me to eat three chicken mcnuggets. This is not something I would normally eat, but I think my getting tired of him trying made me give in. Today, it was a slice of cheese.

I tend to drink more coffee during these periods and I always put half and half into my coffee, so surely I can consider that to have nutritional value. It covers dairy and fat, right? Then, you add in the major food group of caffeine, and I have it covered.

The only thing that appeals to me during these days of finding food abhorrent, is cookies. Just about any sweet thing is acceptable, but mostly cookies. It is difficult to resist eating too many, but sometimes my knowledge that if I overdose on sweets, I will feel sick for the next twelve hours or so will make me stop.

That leads me into another food issue... carbohydrates! From what I hear from others with FTD, I am not alone in the craving for them. Before FTD, I was not one to crave sweets. If anything, I craved salty snacks. Not that I didn't eat sweets, I surely did, but I didn't overdose on them. Since FTD, sweets are a major craving. Hide the cookies! The cookies are the absolute worst. I don't care if they are homemade or prepackaged. During the holiday season, I make close to a hundred dozen cookies. Most are for family and friends who have all come to expect them from me. It used to be that I would eat maybe a handful of these cookies through the entire baking process and holiday entertaining. They were delicious and fancy cookies, but I was okay with that. I think it was that after making so many, they lost their appeal. Not so anymore!

Sometimes it doesn't have to be sweets. Give me a plate with a steak and potato, I will eat the potato first. Carbohydrates, in moderation, can be a good thing. When that is all you want to eat, that is a bad thing.

In one way, the sweets do some good. One of the most horrible problems with FTD is the swallowing difficulties it causes. I will be eating, then all of a sudden my throat refuses to swallow. This leads to disgusting meal times as I cough, gag and often need to spit out the food. Swallowing difficulties lead into worse problems. It gets to the point that someone with FTD may aspirate their food, into the lungs, and cause lung infections. Often times, liquids become a problem to swallow and the liquids need to be thickened in order to be swallowed. Fortunately, that hasn't happened to me yet because that just frightens me.

The link I make between carbohydrates, sweets and swallowing is a strange one. I don't seem to have difficulty swallowing the tasty treats. I cannot recall choking on them even once. The only idea I can come up with is that possibly the sweet foods produce more saliva. I have no idea if there is any validity to this, but it is the only thing that I came up with..

The swallowing issues can be many. The aspiration of food is probably the worst, right along with not being able to get enough nutrition. Yet the indignity of it is also horrid. I am still able to go out to restaurants occasionally, but am in constant fear this will happen. When I am out, I am extremely careful and take tiny bites so that if it suddenly happens, I don't have a huge mouthful of food. I will also stop eating and wrap up the rest of my meal. It is not just in a restaurant setting, it is in any setting where others are there to witness it happening. If it is repulsive to me, I can only imagine how disgusting and frightening it is to observe.

Many doctors will refer their patients with swallowing issues to a speech therapist. From all those with FTD who experience the swallowing problems and have seen a speech therapist, it did not help. Sometimes a little improvement at first, but nothing lasting. I get so tired of seeing medical professionals, that I have resisted trying this. As long as I can continue to cope, I am satisfied.

I apologize for getting into such an unappealing subject, but sometimes we have to keep it real. In the meantime, do you have any extra cookies?