I have tried many times, even in this blog, to explain to someone how a task like fixing a simple dinner is, for those of us with FTD, not one task at all. One step of that task is, in reality to us, a task unto itself. There are just so many tasks our brain can handle in one day before we crash.
I have tried several different scenarios to describe this to family and friends but it just doesn't seem to come across right with the way I explain it. It is like we have a set amount of energy in our energy bank each day. The more tasks we attempt, the quicker we run out. Tasks that require several steps, like the example I usually give of baking a cake or cooking a meal, gobble up our energy at a really fast pace. A friend from our private online support group just wrote an excellent piece explaining this. Hopefully, it will get published often enough to educate people.
I intentionally started this blog entry by repeating this frustration of trying to explain how quickly I get worn out. Unfortunately, it doesn't ever seem to get any better, it just slowly worsens.
This problem has made me realize that I just cannot take care of our home anymore. Between my limitations from FTD and my husband's limitations from his various issues, it has just become too much. He tries to keep up with the yard work but it is never ending. He is having to do the yard work that he has always done, plus having to pick up a lot that I have always done. We have a decent sized lot which demands a lot of work, plus it is hilly and uneven in many areas due to a lot of rocks in the non-grassy areas. With my tendency to fall all the time, I try to do some of the work while using my cane, but it is pretty difficult to do yard work one-handed. My husband has nerve damage in his feet and lower legs so that he has less than 10% nerve function. He cannot feel uneven surfaces which creates a hazard for him as well.
It is not just the outside work, it is the housework as well. My husband is a wonderful man. He does the laundry so I don't have to go up and down the stairs or try to figure out how to operate our new washer. It's not like it used to be where we would turn a dial and pull it out to turn it on. Plus, I am just short enough that I cannot reach all the way into the washer. I didn't do this on purpose when we bought the new washer, honest!
He also takes care of running the dishwasher and unloading it. I think he likes things being put back where they belong which is a problem for me if I empty it. I never have to worry about an empty roll of paper towels or an empty box of tissues. As soon as they are empty, they magically are replaced. He does what he feels capable of around the house.
On the other hand, I cannot keep up with the rest of the housework anymore. I have to break cleaning the house into 8 or 10 projects and can only do one a day. Cleaning bathrooms one day, kitchen another, kitchen floor a separate one, on and on. I must do house cleaning every day to try to keep up with it. Doesn't that just sound like fun? It's not, believe me. Each task is a challenge, trying to remember how I do each thing.
One day last week, I decided to vacuum. My husband usually does that for me after I beg enough times. I swear he thinks if you vacuum twice a year that is enough. I had an unbelievable amount of trouble vacuuming. It probably could have won a prize on that funny video show. I cannot tell you how many times I found myself totally tangled up with the cord. I must have bumped into every piece of furniture and doorway at least twice, judging from the number of new bruises I had the next morning. I fell twice while wrestling with the vacuum. Thankfully, both times were when I was next to a bed. I pulled a couple muscles and made my back rather sore, but no real damage. Plus I didn't break anything, so I was pretty successful!
When we moved ten years ago after my husband retired, we downsized. Our house is the smallest we have ever lived in. Just 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, living room, dining room and kitchen with a small family room at the end of the kitchen, where we spend most of our time. Then downstairs in the finished basement, my husband has his man cave and the laundry room. Rooms are not big, it is a small house. I would have given up long ago if we were still living in any of our previous houses.
I guess we can basically take care of it, but we cannot keep it up to my standards of appearance. Plus the task of doing it has become too overwhelming for me and is a 24/7 frustration. I have the solution. I want to sell and move the part of the country where our daughter lives where she would be able to help us. Plus there would never be snow to shovel!
If you have any ideas on how I can convince my husband to do this, I would surely appreciate you letting me know!
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