I constantly say "Please, one thing at a time!" and have mentioned that concept many times in my blog entries. It seems like such a simple request, yet I keep finding that caretakers cannot grasp the meaning behind the request. Not only do I witness this in my own home, but also read about the same problem on a couple of the online support groups' postings. It shows up often on the support groups that include caregivers more so than those with FTD.
I am guessing that it is the question about just what makes up that one thing. I think when I say "one thing" it is heard that I cannot, for example, jump rope and chew gum at the same time. Forget the gum! The problem, for me anyway, is figuring out how to turn the rope and move my feet at the same time, maybe even just how to use both arms to turn the rope.
It is also answering any question while I am doing something. If I am reading the directions on a package of food, if I am asked something like "What temperature does it say?" I am totally thrown off. Yes, I usually end up lashing out at the one asking the question. Am I angry with that person? Not really, but I am so very frustrated because I have to answer "I don't know yet" or answer the question and then start at the very beginning of reading the instructions again. Repeat something like this a few times and I am ready to throw the package at the person asking the questions.
Sometimes, I do literally throw something... usually in the trash. Again, it is not because I am truly angry. It is because I have reached the level of frustration that the only option I can see is to give up. I have lost all interest in the task I was attempting and no longer care if it gets done or not.
At that point, the person who helped bring me to that point says something like, "Please stop" or "don't be like that." Wrong response, no matter how you look at it. First, this is like reminding me that I failed and dismissing my anxiety and frustration. Secondly, I don't do it on purpose! It is the horrid disease preventing me from doing something that should, and used to, happen spontaneously, without even thinking about it. Instead of calming me down, this type of response just adds to the frustration level to the point that I feel depressed because I am so useless and because I irritate everyone.
Come to think of it, many of the issues that I experience or witness with others, are also the result of the caretaker not being able to understand what we are experiencing. For example, if I am pacing or wandering around like I am lost (some even leave the house and roam around outside which can be quite dangerous) or sleeping during the day, it is usually because I am so bored and frustrated that I cannot do anything. Most days, my choices come down to whether I should clean the house or read or sit and do nothing. Not much of a choice. At least I am still fortunate enough to be able to clean the house and read. But these options are nothing compared to the abilities I used to have, back when I felt I was actually contributing to society. Again, just that feeling of being useless and a burden to others.
It works the other way too. I have to constantly try to stop and think about the frustrations of the caregivers. This, though, is nearly impossible with an FTD mind, but I keep on trying.
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