So, here it is, one week until Christmas, just seven days to go. Christmas has been my favorite holiday ever since I left my childhood home. I would often spend two months getting ready for it to make it special for our family. Somehow, it would all come together with ease.
This year though, I struggled with baking cookies. Many people clamor for my cookies come Christmas time, and I have always tried to make everyone happy and made as many favorites as possible. I cut back this year, only baked 68 dozen and eliminated a couple of the really labor intensive ones. I just couldn't get into the groove of it this year. Used to be, I had a system going and cranked them out, enjoying myself the whole time. This year, it took twice as long, I made at least three times the mess.
The cookie baking during this Christmas season has been just too much stress and, yes, I do know I put it on myself. The cookie baking is very time consuming but I crank up the Christmas tunes and get into it. I enjoy the smiles on peoples faces when I deliver their cookies to them. I have learned, though, that the enjoyment is diminished by the exhaustion I am feeling. But the cookies are all in the freezer waiting to be put out onto trays. I delivered one tray yesterday and the rest of them will be delivered this coming week.
I did manage to do almost all the Christmas shopping online which helped a lot, but if I bought any of the wrong things, it is going to make it more inconvenient to return or exchange. I think it was a wise choice, even with that risk.
The best news in a long time: I am so very excited because my daughter and my grand"kitties" arrive tomorrow. They haven't been here for two years and they will be here for an entire 7 days, not even counting her travel days! That means lots of friends and family to visit. I have attempted to keep the schedule down to one event a day to help me stay calm. However, I have had to double up on a couple days. I know my daughter will be a big help at keeping me calm, she always has. She just seems to have an instinctual knowledge of when I need to get away for excitement or confusion, like loud noise or lots of people talking at the same time. She will protect me. Sitting here thinking about it, however, has me feeling quite anxious.
I have menus planned for most of the days so now I know I must make up a grocery list so I have everything on hand that I will need. I am determined to keep Christmas dinner simple, standing rib roast, twice baked potatoes, cauliflower casserole and rolls. That's it! Anyone wants something else, they are free to make it and bring it with them. Christmas brunch in the morning is another tradition with us, but Kris will help me with that. Plus, the mimosas we always have with brunch should help keep me at ease. As long as I don't have so many that I can't do the dinner!
All those issues aside, I am still sitting her feeling anxious. I read an article in a magazine today and from that, I kind of figured out what my problem is. I am so afraid that this will be either my last Christmas or at least the last one I can do for the family, Because of this fear, I want everything to be perfect for everyone, for my daughter, my husband, my sister and, yes, for myself. I feel like if I mess up the scheduled events and visits, I will ruin it for everyone. I feel like if the Christmas dinner isn't perfect, I will ruin it that way.
When I slip and say something to a family member, they say that they will do this or that. I cannot accept that though. In my mind, if I don't do it, it won't be perfect. If this is to be my last Christmas, or the last one I am capable of putting together, it MUST be perfect.
It will be perfect enough, I am sure. Let me take the time to wish you a very Merry Christmas and for my Jewish friends, I hope you had a wonderful Hanukah
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