"FTD Sucks" is written on a key fob given to me by a beautiful and generous woman. She makes them in honor of her daughter whom lost to FTD. She started making them with fabric she found in her daughter's closet after she lost her battle with the disease. She also made some others that are not so in your face, but I love mine. It sums it right up.
Then yesterday a woman, a caregiver for her mother with FTD and a member of one of the online support groups I frequent, shared a great poster made by a friend of hers. It shows a raised middle finger and says "F*** This Disease!" This sign is now hanging over my computer. A much better description of FTD than the actual name of the disease!
Both of these sum up how I am feeling this week. On this past Wednesday, I was sitting on the sofa feeling useless. There are three shrubs along our deck that I have always trimmed by hand because I want them a certain way. I looked out and saw them and thought "I can do that!" because I could do three sides of them sitting on a chair at the edge of the deck. The problem came when I wanted to do the backs. I had to walk uphill just a few steps to reach them. Halfway through the first one, my balance went and I went down. I landed on one of the other bushes, then rolled the rest of the way. I realized we think a lot faster than we talk because I thought all through that short roll "Don't hit your head. Don't hit your head. For the love of God, don't hit your head." I didn't hit my head. The next day I was pretty well bruised in numerous places, so no damage done. Even the bush survived!
Fast forward to Saturday. Again, sitting on the sofa feeling useless and looking at the dirty living room picture window. To clean it, I need to climb a ladder and move it three times. At least I was smart enough to know that was out of the question. Then a remember seeing a bottle of Windex Outdoors in the garage. This would be super easy, just needed to put it on the end of the hose and drag the hose around the house. I was even smart enough to allow my husband to help with that part. So, here I am, in front of the house, standing behind a few holly bushes and spraying the window. You guessed it, somehow I lost my balance and fell backwards... right on top of one of the holly bushes. I had been upset with my husband because he had stayed out there in case I had any problem but I wanted to do it all myself. Well, so thankful he was brave enough to go against my wishes! He got me out of the holly bush and into the space between it and the next one. I was then able to crawl a few feet to the front porch and pull myself up. Then, God bless him, he stood right behind me, holding onto the belt loops of my jeans as a preventative move after I insisted I had to finish. Again, no damage to me except bruises and a very bruised ego. I wish I could say the same for the holly bush. I think that one is a goner. By the way, Windex Outdoors is wonderful. The window is just as sparkling clean as it would have been by me climbing up the ladder and doing it by hand. They will probably quit making it though. That seems to always happen when I fall in love with a product.
The answer to the question you are most likely thinking is a big "Yes, I have finally learned my lesson." Today, all bruised up, I have been put on the bench and have been forbidden to do outside work. I did not disagree with the benching at all, just sat and watched the baseball game. I may still sit and look outside and feel useless, but I won't go out and take any risks of falling. I will never leave the confines of the house without a cane. I will also think about biting the bullet and consider buying a rolling walker.
Yeah, FTD sucks and F*** This Disease! Couldn't have said it better myself.
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