There are a lot of strange or funny things about fronto temporal lobe dementia. For instance, I can write this blog. I believe I write it in a straightforward manner with proper grammar and spelling. Spellcheck definitely helps. I also believe I write it in somewhat of an intelligent manner. Take me away from the computer, though, and it is a wholly different matter.
If you and I were speaking about the same subject I write about, I would stutter and struggle for words. I would often use a word of totally different meaning from what I am trying to say. Sometimes I hear myself do it and will question the listener as to what I had actually said. Fortunately, those who are closest to me can usually figure out what I am actually meaning to say. With these people, I can just laugh it off. With people I don't know as well, I am quite embarrassed when I do it. To be more accurate, I am embarrassed by their reaction to me.
Strangers will often think I am under the influence of alcohol or drugs, when I am talking and also when I am walking. It is quite hurtful when they are rude enough to make a comment about it. They don't say it to me, but I overhear them saying it to someone else. Makes me want to hit them with my cane! Not literally, don't be calling the authorities on me. I haven't reached that point yet.
Okay, right here I will admit that when I am writing these blog entries, I wander off subject and weave around right along with my wandering mind. Yes, I do this in person as well, probably more so than in my writing. It is kind of like talking to someone with a serious case of Attention Deficit Disorder. It is not unusual for me to jump to three or more subjects in one paragraph or even one sentence. The joke about "oh look, a squirrel" distraction to someone with ADD often literally applies to me. We have a lot of squirrels who come up to our patio door. They are so entertaining that I will switch to talking about them a lot of times, especially when on the phone. Where I sit to talk on the phone is right in front of this door and they show up to entertain every time. The worst part of my wandering mind is that when someone doesn't follow along or grasp all the different things I am saying at once, I get very frustrated and angry.
This wandering of the mind is worse on some days than it is on others. I tend to talk over people because I already know what I want to say in response but forget it is polite to wait until they have finished talking. Talking on the phone brings this out even more often for some reason. Perhaps this is because I hate talking on the phone and want to get it over with. I hate making phone calls even more. I think it is insecurity, thinking that whoever I am calling has more important things to do than to talk to me. These phone issues don't apply with family and close friends, thank goodness. With them, I don't know when to shut up and let the other person talk or when it is time to end the call. Anyone who has known me all my life will tell you that I always talked too much, but it is definitely worse now.
Almost every time, when I am writing a blog entry, I start out on a certain subject. A short way into it, my mind switches to something else and I end up writing about a totally different subject. I hope the first subject wasn't very important.
I also find more humor in things. Unfortunately, it is things that aren't intended to be funny. I also come up with brilliant and hysterical things to share with others. Telling the story ends up with me saying "Well, I thought it was funny!" almost every time. Maybe there aren't as many funny things about FTD after all?
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