I titled this post "Happy Holidays." No, this doesn't mean I am being politically correct and not saying Merry Christmas. FTD'ers are not very often politically correct since we have no filter between brain and mouth. For instance, I now have a horrible potty mouth and say things I would never have even thought, much less said out loud. It is sometimes quite scary and makes it very easy to offend others.
What I want to talk about is literally keeping the holidays happy. I was lucky with Thanksgiving. We keep Thanksgiving simple, usually with a limited group of family, or maybe a friend or two thrown in. I don't remember ever having more than 10 for Thanksgiving. This year, it was just three of us and I prepared as much of the meal ahead of time as I could and then at the last minute when I needed help, I asked for it. I also screamed out for them to shut up, that I needed calm. Fortunately, they love me enough they understood.
I have always ensured that my Christmas shopping was done by Thanksgiving. I started doing this when we moved to Philadelphia a bunch of years ago and I discovered that the phrase "City of Brotherly Love" meant nothing among Christmas shoppers! So that part was okay again this year. I am well known within our circle of family and friends as a baker. I love to do it and was always pretty good at it. I used to say I was internationally acclaimed as a baker, but that was only because two friends had moved to foreign countries... one to Canada and one to Brazil, but one is already back and the other is moving back on Christmas day.
I have discovered that baking is no longer second nature to me. Some of my cookies are more complicated than others, others easy but time-consuming, and the rest pretty darned easy. Uh, not so much anymore. The complicated cookies that used to take an entire day to make, this year took me three days... one to make the dough, one to make the cookie and one to fill the cookies. Needless to say, I'm pretty far behind this year. I used to spent 3-4 days doing all my baking, but have already put in a full eight days and still have five more kinds to go. This may have to be the last year I make them all, and this is a very sad realization for me. But to have any hope of having a happy holiday season, I must simplify things.
All the presents I bought before Thanksgiving? Not a one of them is wrapped yet. My husband addressed the Christmas cards, but I still have to write the notes and sign the cards. Notes will definitely be just a few words since my handwriting is now horrid and gets illegible after a while thanks to my FTD. I can't bring myself to put the gifts in gift bags to make it easier, but I'm guessing I will have to do that next year.
So, if you have a loved one suffering from an FTD, here's some ideas to help. Offer assistance. Offer to wrap packages. Offer to help put up decorations. Offer to help with baking. I, personally, can't bring myself to let anyone help with my baking, but have learned to let my husband do the cleaning up afterward and I do make a mess! I do sometimes accept his offer to help me put all the ingredients in the bowl so I don't lose count or leave something out. Offer to bring a meal a couple times in the couple weeks leading up to Christmas. I find that after doing a Christmas related task, be it decorating, baking or anything else, when it comes to dinner time, I'm at the point that one more decision or one more task is too much. Yesterday, after baking, I literally curled up in a ball on my bed and hid for a couple hours. When I was able to come back out, my wonderful husband volunteered to go pick up some dinner. I have help addressing cards, but others may not and that would be a big help.
Most of all? Help keep things as calm and quiet as possible. If they reject your help, try to stay out of their way so you don't add to the confusion. And, when like I did today, they leave a vital ingredient out of a recipe (In today's case, omitting a entire pound of powdered sugar makes your cookie filling pretty darned bland.), laugh with them and help them fix it. In this case, adding the sugar at the end of the process changed the consistency quite a bit, but it still tastes as good.
The ultimate help? Keep things simple!!! And... for the FTD sufferers reading this, don't be as stubborn as I am. There is nothing shameful about having to ask for and accepting help and cutting back on some of the traditions. Keep it happy!
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