This post is directed to all the caregivers out there. First of all, God Bless You! You have one of the most difficult tasks imaginable. I can relate to your side as well because I helped care for my Grandmother, Mother and my Aunt, all who suffered from Alzheimer's and have since passed on.
I know I have mentioned this before, but one of the most difficult things for me, is to do more than one task at a time. Sometimes, though, it's not easy to realize what makes a "task." Basically, it is anything that causes me to focus my thinking. Today, it was as simple as putting away some groceries. This used to be an easy, mindless task, but not anymore. My husband distracted me several times during the process. I am sure these didn't even seem like distractions to him. When I was trying to fit things into the freezer compartment, which is never an easy task with a side-by-side, he had a bag in each hand. He asked me to take the bottle of juice out of his bag and put it into the refrigerator. The next time, it was when I was putting canned goods into the pantry and he tried to take a jar of salsa out of my bag because he knew he was going to use it during the upcoming football game. I had already left one of the jars of salsa out on the counter for him, and the interruption was just enough to get me befuddled again.
I know some of you are saying, "Wow, she is getting really picky." No, I'm not. It's just the way my mind works now (or really, how it doesn't work anymore). I truly can only focus on one thing most of the time or, sometimes, even just one aspect of a task at a time. Unfortunately, my frustration leads me to be short with him or even snap at him. I wasn't angry or upset with him, I was just totally frustrated and angry at myself because I got unfocused and stressed, leading to a difficulty completing such a simple task.
This is the point I was leading to... when a dementia patient gets angry or lashes out, please stop and realize that it is most likely not you they are angry or frustrated with... it is with themselves. Think about whether you have made the environment too confusing, sometimes even with your attempts to help. Try to calm things or simplify things, but be careful not to be condescending.
I have come up with my own word. You notice I use the term "befuddled" a lot. To me, it totally describes how my brain gets twisted up and confused. Now, I have come up with "unfuddled." Yes, a silly, made-up word, but is the process I have to go through to get myself refocused and unstressed. It sometimes helps for me to get involved in a different, simple, solitary task. One that I can focus on and be successful at completing. Deep breathing helps me as well. At times, I picture a simple jigsaw puzzle in my mind, I see it as a completed puzzle and it helps me focus. Not sure why, but it works for me. I'm sure other dementia patients will find other ways to cope.
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