A good friend of mine posted two of those cute little posters on Facebook today:
"Relationship Rules: There is no feeling more rewarding than the one that comes from being honest. Be honest, both without yourself and your partner. Life will be so much simpler."
"Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anyone, you don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy, but, at the same time, you don't know what's wrong?"
Both statements hit me hard, because it reminded me about what my therapist has been helping me work through. Take the first statement and substitute the word caregiver. I tend to cover up when I can't think of the right word, can't figure something out or just feel confused. I also remember the family members I have helped care for who suffered from Alzheimer's Disease doing the exact same thing. We get pretty good at it too! This practice actually makes some sense when out in public or in a social setting, but I need to remember to be honest with my caregivers. When I don't, that is when conflict begins. For example, if I am trying to put something away and can't remember where it belongs, my husband or sister will ask "don't you remember where that goes?" or something along those lines. I don't want to admit that I can't, so instead, I find myself snapping at them, something like "Of course I know where it goes, I was looking for something else." Then I put it away wherever I can. This is not helpful to either of us, not to mention difficult to find things later. I should admit that I don't, and let them tell me where it belongs. I have to realize that they are not being critical, they are trying to help. This is a simplified example, but still brings the message across. It is much better to be honest with myself (and accept) my weaknesses. Then, together, we can figure out ways to deal with them. I have been working on this, and it truly has been keeping things calmer around here, which helps immensely. The calmer I am, the easier it is to deal with things.
On to the second statement my friend posted. I think we all have days like that. I know I certainly do. Again, I have found communication to be the issue. If I admit the feelings to myself and let my husband (or my sister) know that's how I am feeling that day, we can deal with it together. Those are the days to not take on complicated tasks, don't try to cook a meal that takes a lot of preparation, or tackle anything new. So, if I admit to the feelings I have that day, they can help me to keep things simple and calm... just what I need on those kind of days!
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