Please Be Patient

 I am so tired today that I wasn't going to write a blog entry. Mostly, I was too tired to think of something to write about. Then an idea came to me! Actually, I guess you could say it came to my hand!

My broken wrist is healing nicely thanks to the plate and screws. The x-rays prove that. Except I keep forgetting about the other two breaks on the other side of the wrist. The repaired side is getting stronger every day and I keep exercising it and using it as I can. Of course, that means the outside of the wrist that is meant to heal on its own gets used a lot as well. 

As recently as yesterday, I could nearly make a fist. Okay, I had to force the fingers into it, but it was getting close. I could wrap the fist around two of my fingers on the left hand and apply pressure. Progress! Yep, until I got out of bed this morning. I had used my right hand and wrist too much yesterday so the muscles and tendons seem to have forgotten what they are supposed to do. From experience, I know it will come back as long as I go back to treating it the way I am supposed to: use it but with lots of rest in between, gentle stretching and back to the easier usage.

I can hear you!  I just heard a very loud "Well, duh! You knew better!" I know that, but I was leading up to something. 

Along with the overuse of my hand and wrist yesterday, I overused everything, including my brain. My sister and brother in law are coming to visit so I worked at putting the house in tip-top shape. Then I went to the grocery store with my daughter because I could not think well enough to come up with some of their favorites to have on hand. The store was not crowded at all, I drove the scooter cart and all I had to do was point and Kris would fetch what I needed.

Yes, I know. That is just as exhausting for someone with FTD as physical exercise. Between the housework and shopping, I was done for the day.

All of us with FTD and, hopefully, most caregivers know that any activity can exhaust the brain. It can be physical or mental activities and it can leave us unable to even think much less figure out how to do anything.

I had plans for today. I was going to clean the kitchen. It isn't dirty, but I need it sparkling for my sister. Uh-uh, no way today! It took me several tries to figure out how to use the Keurig for my morning coffee. I kept pushing the power button to get it to brew. I didn't even realize I was turning it on and off. Then, two of our cats were fighting but I couldn't remember either of there names to get them to stop. I didn't even realize that I didn't need their names, it was the raised voice that would startle them enough to stop. Maybe tomorrow I will clean the kitchen... or maybe not!

How do you explain things like this to all those people who don't believe we have dementia? You know the ones, "You look perfectly fine, you can't have dementia!"  How are we supposed to look? Today, if one of those people stopped by, they would probably just accuse me of being lazy or, maybe, faking it. They should have been here earlier when I was trying to explain to my sister how to download GPS onto her phone. I should have told her I would call her tomorrow and tell her.

Unfortunately, this fatigue factor is also difficult for some caregivers, family members and friends to comprehend. "You did this last week, stop being lazy and just do it." or even "Get out of bed, brush your teeth and get dressed. Then you can have breakfast!"  STOP!  That is four things to remember and is three too many. When my brain is exhausted, I am lucky if I can remember how to do only one. Each one is a multi step procedure. While "get dressed" is a simple step for those without dementia, for us it can be: take off whatever you slept in, put them in the laundry hamper, remember where you clothes are kept, find underwear, pants, shirt, socks and shoes. Figure out which goes on first. Figure out how to put on each piece of clothing. By time you are done, you are ready to lie back down for a nap.

I am not exaggerating. It is a difficult concept for those without dementia to understand.  If anyone watched me try to put on a bra on days such as today, they just might understand. I usually with give up and not wear one rather than as for help.

When my mom, before FTD finally ended her life, had taken to showering with her bra on because she could not figure out how to take it off or put it back on. This was not even long past onset. She was still living alone and, obviously, showering and caring for herself. It is also when I figured out she needed more help. I did not yell or even reprimand. I simply went and got a dry bra from her dresser and waited until she finished her shower.

That is what we, or at least I, crave when we become confused about "simple" things. One does not have to be in advanced stages to be unable to do things. We may just be more tired than usual and need understanding and patience.