This past week I learned, or rather relearned, a few things about dealing with FTD and executive functioning:
I cannot do it all.
I do not have to do it all.
It is okay to ask for help.
It is important to break down large tasks into tiny ones.
Discussing decision-making issues with others lightens the load.
My brother in law and sister love me a whole lot (okay, no executive functioning here)
I have been trying to get away from personal stories in my blog entries, but this past week was so full of examples of FTD that I cannot resist, so here goes. I was extremely close with my aunt and uncle who both passed away in the last few months. Last week, their attorney called me and told me she was planning on having an estate sale on the weekend. She suggested that I come up before Friday because she knew there were things that I would treasure.
Fortunately, my new brother in law loves me and agreed to miss a day's work and do the driving because I cannot. That was the only thing that was resolved quickly. The next few days became one of the best examples of loss of executive functioning that I have ever experienced. Deciding whether to rent a truck or a trailer was a two-day effort. I finally decided to rent the truck for more than $300. Meanwhile, my sister has a beast of an SUV, with a V8 engine and a towing package. Duh! I asked if we could just use that instead of a truck. After all, it would be a lot more comfortable and I rented a 6x12 box trailer for $40.
One of the problems I have that also involves executive function is making financial decisions. I was going to waste $300 when the $40 solution had been right in front of me all along. I won't even talk about how long it took me to decide what time we should leave!
We arrived safely at our destination, a 2 1/2 hour drive, right on time. That was the end of calm until the trailer was packed and we headed home. There were so many decisions for me to make on what to take and what to leave, that I developed a whopper of an FTD headache. I finally decided to look at everything with my heart, not my head. I ended up with a lot of little things that will continue to bring back memories that I will cherish forever. These things would have most likely sold for less than a quarter at the estate sale, but will be forever priceless to me.
After deciding what, I had to decide how. I needed to pack everything. Fortunately my brain did work a little and I had come prepared with boxes and bubble wrap. Once I finished packing, I realized the trailer was not even 1/4 loaded. The attorney's husband was there since he is doing the bulk of the work for the sale. I thought he was going to help us load but I sure thought wrong. My poor brother in law lloaded the entire trailer himself. By the way, do you have any idea how much space a pair of elk antlers takes? At least they don't weigh much!
The three of us were totally exhausted. Because of this, we started snapping at each other and the drive home was just a tad tense. Okay, a lot tense, but we made it and we all still love each other. I should also say that I brought home a few small pieces of antique furniture and other things. My decision making was not so bad that all I brought back only a box full of trinkets!
So, what could I have done differently? Looking back, all the decisions should have been much easier. My usual way of coping with larger endeavors or complicated tasks is to start with a list of things I need to do and then break each item on that list into small tasks. This is a decision I often suggest to other with FTD, but failed to remember to do it myself. It never should have taken two days to decide the truck or trailer issue. If I had made a list of the advantages/disadvantages of each, I could have taken care of the entire transportation decision in an hour or two instead.
I also should have remembered that I don't have to do everything myself. If I had discussed the truck/trailer dilemma with my sister or brother in law, they would have helped me come up with her SUV and a trailer immediately. That is a lesson I struggle with. I hate to ask for help! This is not a good thing for someone with FTD. Asking for help is a really good thing for someone with FTD. Now, if only I remember that the next time.
Actually, I finally did. I started going through all the stuff that was now occupying the entire empty side of our garage. The attorney had insisted I leave all the clothes that were in a small dresser so that I could try them on and keep them or donate them once I was home. I did that yesterday and found a huge stack of brand new, top name brand, items that still sported the tags and had never been worn. I immediately started to stress, knowing that the wise thing to do would be to see them on ebay or our local online sale site. I sat there for a few minutes, head in hand, feeling overwhelmed. I actually said to myself "You don't have to do it all!" I called a friend. I knew her son's wife had started selling things on ebay to make a little extra money for their family. I am giving the whole stack to her. She can sell them and I won't have to worry. I feel better about it anyway, knowing that they will benefit from it.
If only I had remembered that I don't have to do it all BEFORE I insisted on bringing home thousands and thousands and thousands of slides and pictures. I volunteered to go through all of them, sort them and decide who would most likely want them the most. My FTD had better slow down because I figure it is already going to take me five years to finish! I knew that f I did not do it, all of them would have gone in the trash because no one else was willing.
Bottom line, to me, is that, yes, FTD sucks, but loss of executive functioning sucks as just as much!
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