One of the worst things about FTD, to me, has been the loss of my artistic abilities. It is a big part of the reason for why I tend to feel useless and bored.
I mentioned a couple weeks ago that my sister is getting married soon (3 weeks from today) and I have been helping as much as I can. Before FTD, I was an artist. I did a lot of painting, mostly folk art, and was an award-winning ceramist. I don't say this to brag, just to explain that I used to have artistic abilities. After FTD, all that seemed to disappear. I find it quite interesting because many with FTD have actually developed more artistic abilities after being diagnosed with FTD.
The night before leaving for the AFTD Conference, I could not sleep because I knew I needed to get up at 4 a.m. Around one or two in the morning, I had an idea of a cake to make. I did not mention, but I also used to design and make cakes. I guess that is a form of art as well. The theme of the wedding grew from that cake design.
I also mentioned that she was allowing me to help with a lot of things. Doing some artistic work, like designing the invitations, making favors to fit the theme and helping with the decorations, has been such a good thing for me. My sister keeps telling me that I come up with ideas that are flashes of brilliance. I argue that, no, merely occasional flashes of a flickering candle. Either way, finding that some of my artistic instincts are still in my brain has been beyond satisfying. No, it's not the kind of art I used to do, but it has released some of the energy I always found in creating artwork.
Being allowed to help with this wedding has helped me feel great the past few weeks. Now, it happens that I also had another anti-depressant added to my medications so that probably helped as well. I don't care which it is, though I suspect a combination of the two, I am loving it.
I am pretty much done with the things I have been able to do. The only thing left is to make the cake that I designed that night. This is pretty darned scary for me. Even when I was making cakes semi-professionally, I avoided wedding cakes because they are so important to the bride that it made me too nervous. I have only done four in my entire life. In this case, I know my sister and brother-in-law will love it no matter what, because I am making it. At least I know it will taste good even though it might not meet my pre-FTD standards!
I am not the only person with FTD who have found something to keep themselves busy and to make them feel that they can still contribute. One of my FTD friends found a way to continue gardening. Another has started doing woodwork. A handful of them have found artistic talents that they did not have before and have been producing beautiful paintings. Yet another one knits the most wonderful potholders and her niece sells them online and donates the proceeds to the AFTD.
I encourage everyone with FTD to try to find something creative to do. Even adult coloring books can provide the satisfaction of creating something. If you had musical abilities before FTD, try them again, perhaps with simpler tunes. You can also just sing along to the music you love most. If you used to dabble in any form of art, try to do it again. Like with music, it doesn't have to be something complicated. If you can still follow a recipe, bake some cookies.
If you have grandchildren, tell them stories about their family or stories you can remember. If you don't get to spend much time with them, record these things for them. These recordings will probably be their most cherished possessions as they get older. I bought a recordable book, Curious George, which was my favorite as a child. I do not have any grandchildren yet, but when I realized that I may not live long enough to meet future grandchildren, I became extremely sad. By recording this book that they could hear Grandma reading to them, it made me feel much better. My daughter has still not taken in home because she did not want to consider me not being here. It is in her old bedroom here for when she is ready.
It is not just FTD'ers who can benefit from seeking the satisfaction of creating something. It could help caregivers as well, something to occupy their minds for a few hours. Perhaps it could remind them that there is more inside them than just the ability to care for someone with FTD. They might have to arrange for someone else to sit with their FTD'er for a few hours so they can get out, even if you have to beg everyone you know in order to find someone willing. Take a class or go to one of the Wine and Paint parties. I sure wish I could go to one of those, they look like a lot of fun.
Obviously, not everyone has artistic talents, but like my friend who gardens, it seems most everyone has a talent, hidden or otherwise. It can be something like building with Lego's, learning to spin a Fidget Spinner, coloring in an adult coloring book or even playing with Play Dough. You don't have to perfect or even stay inside the lines. No one will care. No one will judge you if you are doing something that children can do. Try to find joy in the colors, in the music. Stop and remember Andy Warhol. For goodness sakes, he painted a soup can and became a famous artist. Maybe we should start a business selling art by FTD'ers. We could created modern art with just splashes and slashes of color.
After the wedding, I think I just might take my own advice. I have thought about doing some abstract painting. Perhaps now I will find the courage to do it!
Like my sister keeps telling me, it doesn't have to be perfect. Actually, she says "Barbie perfect" because that was what I told her when she started planning her wedding. She tends to be a perfectionist so I kept telling her it just has to be ordinary person perfect.
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