Routine please

Yesterday morning, while still lying in bed and convincing myself to get out of it, I heard a very loud bang. Even with FTD, I immediately knew what it was. A transformer had blown on the power pole a block away. This happens way too often, especially in the summer when the electric demand is high. Obviously, there is something wrong in the lines somewhere, but all they do is replace the parts on the pole and wait for it to happen again. What is the saying? Something like "Idiocy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

This time of year, it is not a horrible inconvenience to be without power for a few hours because it is not too cold outside and who won't accept a reason to not have to cook? I did all the right things. I turned up the ringer on the landline phone that does not need electricity... the one kids today would probably call an antique. I say it's not an antique unless you have to dial it! I put a note on the refrigerator so we wouldn't accidentally open it and let warm air in. I even dug out an LED light that runs on batteries so I could easily read the paper. The worst part was not being able to make a cup of coffee!

The power was back on after only three hours or so, no big deal. It was daylight and 50 degrees outside.  Still, I felt out of sorts all the rest of the day. It felt like wanting to crawl out of my own skin, anxiety and restlessness and a general feeling that something was wrong. It eventually drove me to bed early, just to try to relax and decompress.

With FTD, I need a routine. I was quite spontaneous prior to FTD, but no longer. I need to go to bed and get up around the same time each day. I want my coffee and newspaper as soon as I get up. On and on the day goes... right on schedule. It is soothing to me. If I am forced out of my routine, I get anxious. I finally figured out late last night that the loss of electricity had been enough to throw me off my routine.

This morning, when I awoke, I thought "Great, I can have a calm day today." I even remembered it was Sunday. What day of the week has been difficult for a while and is getting more so. I got up, got dressed, made my cup of coffee and sat down with the Sunday newspaper. I soon discovered several sections were missing. I tried to convince myself it was no big deal but it didn't work. I have my routine of how I go through the paper and that routine was messed up. Maybe it wouldn't have affected me as much if it hadn't been the day after another disrupted day.

I often advise caregivers to try to keep a routine. Also, try to prevent sudden loud noises. Loud music or a loud television affects my comfort level. Flashing or bright lights will destroy my day, give me a headache and increase my anxiety. After either one of these, I need to go into a quiet and dark room to regroup. If a trip out of the house is necessary, I want to know at least the day before so I can mentally prepare myself. If my routine is thrown off, I will most likely get a bad headache and become very aggravated and irritable... very unpleasant to be around.

So, here I sit at the computer, taking lots of breaks and sitting with my head in my hands trying to figure out what I am doing or what I am supposed to be doing. I have a strong feeling that I have forgotten something important. I am jumping at unexpected noises which just adds to the anxiety level. I sure hope tomorrow goes according to plan!