Let the Swallowing Begin... PLEASE???

Have I mentioned lately just how much I hate FTD?

Last Sunday, I developed a new symptom... difficulty in swallowing.  So far, it is worse when I am stressed.  The first time was when I was trying to put food on the table for our barbecue and to time it all just right.  I finally just stopped eating and, fortunately, no one noticed.

The next time it happened was in a restaurant.  My husband and I had stopped for lunch.  Now, I had been a little stressed over a near-miss with another vehicle.  No, I wasn't driving... haven't done that in over five years... but it scared the crap out of me.  (Not literally, thank the Lord, since that is another symptom that I haven't reached yet.)  By time we were in the restaurant, I didn't think I was still stressed.  I had no problem swallowing my latte, but my favorite sandwich was a different story.  I normally scarf it down since I love it so much.  That day, it took me a full hour to eat half of it.  At least I had a treat for lunch the next day... must find the good!

Then it happened again yesterday, again in a restaurant.  My husband had taken me out as a treat to a nicer restaurant while we were out running an errand I needed to do.  I was doing fine until about half way through the meal.  Again, I think I kept it hidden from my husband.  It's not really that I want to hide it from him, it's just that every time it has happened so far has been in a social setting.

I guess he will know all about it when he reads this blog entry though, won't he?  That's probably for the better anyway, as it is something that he should know about.

The scary part of all this is that I realize it will only get worse.  I experienced the problem three times in one week.  I understand that eventually, swallowing anything will be extremely difficult, if possible at all. Surprisingly, I have been told that swallowing anything the consistency of water will also become difficult.  They actually make and sell a product, Thick-It, that thickens liquids so you have a chance to swallow.  Scary that we will have to thicken water for me to drink it.  I am not endorsing the product since I have never used it, but I have heard from caregivers of instances where it has helped.

Fortunately, this morning, I remember the words said to me by the neuropsychiatrist who gave me my diagnosis of FTD.  He said, "Go and enjoy everything you can as well as you can for as long as you can."

I cannot fully explain just how frightening it is to not be able to swallow.  I cannot deny that this new step in decline is scary as hell, but I can deny its ability to stop me from enjoying what I can.

That's all I have for today.  I don't care to dwell on FTD today.  I will worry about that tomorrow...