Stressful Events

I have felt horrible all week... headache, anxiety and all-around grumpiness (bitchiness is probably more accurate, but I am giving myself a break here.)  I finally realized what has caused it.  I have a family wedding to attend tomorrow.  This is not something I would normally dread as I have always loved weddings and I certainly love my family.  I kept saying I was really looking forward to it, and I truly am, but I guess I am dreading it at the same time.

I thought I was being wise, and RSVP'd to the wedding ceremony but not the reception.  I knew the reception would be impossible for me to deal with.  I would probably be running for the door about five minutes after I got there.  I didn't realize that the wedding ceremony was stressing me until yesterday, when I tried on the suit I am planning to wear.  I actually had to have it taken in, which is a good thing!  I guess that made me realize that the time was here and that I really was going.

Knowing that there will be many people there whom I have never met, plus I am guessing there will be more than two or three people there and that is my usual limit for comfort.  I am praying that my FTD doesn't make me do or say something stupid.  It is so frightening how these bizarre things just pop out of my mouth.  Then there is the whole "lack of empathy" thing.  I am afraid I will not act correctly and offend people.  Though I am thinking it will be better than when I have to go to a funeral or viewing.  At those events, my lack of empathy is quite evident.  For this, I'm hoping if I keep a smile on my face, no one will know.

After it is over, I know I will be so glad that I attended and celebrated it with my family.  I am on the groom's side of the family, and I know if I mess up, the groom's mother will understand.  She has done a lot of research on FTD, so she "gets" it.  Not sure about the rest of them.  Yes, I know I am worrying way too much, but I just can't stop it.

My sister and I are going a little early, so that we can hopefully get me an outside aisle seat so that I don't feel closed in and in case I have to make an escape.  That should help quite a bit.  I just hope I can be calm enough to pay attention to what is happening instead of focusing on how I can get out of there.  I hope my sister can relax as well.  She "fusses" over me, trying to help when sometimes I just want to be ignored by everyone so that I can be as inconspicuous as possible.  She will probably read this at some point and not understand, but I hope not be offended.

Then, in a couple weeks, I have to do it all over again for the wedding of a very dear friend.  I wouldn't miss either event, despite how uncomfortable I will feel.  When it comes to those I love, it is certainly worth making the effort.  Wish me luck!!!