I discovered something interesting over the past weekend. I have no idea if it is true for everyone with FTD. My husband and I visited the Philadelphia area, where we lived 17 years ago, and had not been back to visit for 10 years. A lot had changed, so many more businesses have built up. I could kind of remember how to get around, but got horribly confused if someone started talking about route numbers or names of roads. I told my husband, "don't ask me how to get there, just go where I point." He said that considering that one of my first FTD symptoms was getting lost in familiar places, that it might not be the safest choice. So he was armed with a stack of maps he printed from the internet. Between the two of us, we didn't get lost even once.
That was interesting but not what I was excited about discovering. My FTD did not prevent me from visiting with our wonderful friends! I was smart enough to only schedule one event or visit each day, so that we could go back to the hotel and I could have peace and quiet to recharge. This helped tremendously. I only had to leave one event, a retirement party, a little early because too much commotion was going on. BUT, when we were out with friends, even in a noisy restaurant, I communicated much better than I normally do in a social setting. It is something most people with FTD already know, but it was surprising to me. It is simply that with these good friends, I didn't feel like I was being judged, pitied or ignored. I knew that if I stumbled... over my own feet or verbally, I would still be totally accepted.
The only frustrating thing occurred when a friend was denying my symptoms with "oh, we all do that," or "I do that all the time." This is a friend who is significantly younger, just a few years older than my daughter. After hearing these platitudes enough times, it sunk in that she desperately doesn't want there to be anything wrong with me. I "mothered" her from the point we met. She was new to the area, no friends or family nearby and being the mother hen that I always was, I tucked her under my wing. I think I invited her to our house for burgers the first time we met, which was at a horse barn where my daughter's horse was boarded. Realizing why made it possible for me to enjoy our visit instead of becoming frustrated.
The four-hour drive each way was the only truly stressful part of the trip. I relied on anti-anxiety medication for that part of it. Anti-anxiety meds, such as Ativan or Valium, do not work for a lot of the people with FTD with whom I am familiar. I am very lucky that for short-term usage, it helps me cope with stressful situations. This disparity with the medication seems to be true of many meds. When comparing notes with others with FTD, the drugs that work well for some don't work for others. Thinking about it, I guess that it true in the non-FTD world as well.
I have a few more things coming up in the next few months... two weddings, a birthday party and a charity event come quickly to mind. This trip has made it easier for me to look forward to them, as long as I have a coping plan in mind, I think I can do it!
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