All you caregivers out there, we couldn't do it without you! This post is to give you some insight into how you can make it even better.
If you read my last couple of posts, you will remember that I have been fighting the blues. I made some real progress in that regard this week. I am going to tell you about a couple of them, gearing this toward the caretakers so that you realize it doesn't always take a lot to improve an FTDer's life.
On Monday, my sister broke a tooth and made an appointment to get it fixed the following day. Since our dentist is about a 40 minute trip, she asked if I wanted to ride along. I jumped at the chance since it seemed like quite a while since I had been out and about. Plus, our dentist is a lot of fun. I know that will sound strange to a lot of you, but he is great. He sings to you, albeit off key. His work is excellent and he can give Novocain shots that don't hurt a bit. But I digress... My sister is braver than I am, apparently, because she chose to go without the Novocain. I thought she was crazy since I am a pain wimp, but it meant that after she was done, we could go out for an early dinner. Since my husband owed me a birthday dinner (we won't go into that!) we chose a nice restaurant, had a drink, a delicious meal and shared a dessert. Our waiter was a lot of fun and it was a nice relaxing time. Amazing how a trip to the dentist provided us with a great day spent together.
I'm going kind of backwards here, but we need to go back to last Saturday. I had agreed to have lunch with a friend from where I used to work, We hadn't gotten together for probably 2 years. I had also run into another friend whom we had not seen a while on Thursday at a doctor's appointment, and I told her that the next time they were down this way, give us a call because we would love to have them visit. Wouldn't you know it? It also got scheduled for Saturday. I was in such a tither that I actually canceled both of them the day before, because I was feeling too overwhelmed. Note to self: Don't schedule two social events on the same day!
Fortunately, the friend from work contacted me again and we set up a new lunch date for this afternoon. My husband dropped me off at the restaurant (God bless him, he sat there with me until she showed up so I wouldn't become panicked) then she drove me home afterward. That was fun too... turns out she now drives a Hummer and I had always wanted to ride in one. Though getting in was a challenge since my leg weakness is not conducive to climbing up into it. My cane would have helped, but I was vain enough that I didn't bring it along because I did not want her to see me using a cane. Silly me! Back to the lunch, we had a really good time, lots of laughing, got caught up to date on a lot of the clients whom I miss dealing with and caught up with her life and family. She is getting married in June. I hope I will be able to deal with the commotion of it all. Perhaps if I just go to the ceremony and skip the reception?
So, it doesn't take a lot to break up the boring pattern of the every day life of someone with FTD. I managed two social occasions this week without freaking out and had a good time. Okay, I confess that I did have to take an Ativan when I got to the restaurant today. That was because shortly before we left, I realized I had lost a necklace which caused me to run around in a panic trying to find it, leaving me wound up pretty tight. Finding it (in my purse where I had put if for safe keeping) helped, but needed the help of the sedative so I didn't refuse to go. I don't take them often, but sometimes they are the answer.
I almost got out the house another day this week. My husband had a couple stores he needed to visit in town, so he invited me to go with him since my trip with my sister was such a success. But then, as it neared the time to go, he started telling me where we would go, what we would do, and what we would not do. What we would not do was stop for lunch, we would just run in and out of a couple stores and hurry home so he could have the usual snacks he has for lunch each day. That quickly gave me the impression that he didn't really want me to go along, so I refused to go. Actually, I broke down and curled up in a fetal position to avoid dealing with him. Of course I was incorrect in assuming he didn't want me along. Later in the day I explained that a little encouragement was all I needed. If he simply had said he was sorry he caused me to feel badly and that it would be more fun if I came along, that he really wanted me to go, I most likely would have gone.
Why did I include this disaster? I just wanted to explain that just because someone has FTD, does not mean that you should treat them like a child and make all the decisions. It is important that we feel included. No, we with FTD (or at least I) are not able to plan the excursion, but present us with a couple little choices so we feel included. In this case, he could have asked if there was anywhere else I wanted to stop and if I wanted to stop somewhere for lunch or was I okay to just come home. Unfortunately, with my increasing limitations, I tend to feel pretty worthless and need reassurances more than I should. I'm sure he is not going to be happy I included this incident in today's blog, but I thought it was a good example for caregivers. He is actually a wonderful caregiver for me, but even he can't do everything perfect every time, and he is learning!
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