Sunday, December 10, 2017

For Christmas, "K.I.S.S" (not Hershey's)

With apologies to nursery rhymes everywhere: 

"Christmas is coming, I want to make it grand,
Please put a glass of wine right here in my hand."

There is no doubt about it. Christmas is my favorite day of the year. No, it's not about the gifts, at least not the gifts for me. I cherish every gift I get, but I have always enjoyed giving gifts more than receiving them. As I said, it's not about the gifts, it is all about the traditions in our family that make it Christmas for me.

Our daughter lives three states away, so having her home for an entire week is a joy unto itself. She even brings my grand"kitties" to liven up the household. She will help with the traditions that don't need to be done ahead of time. She will also reprimand me for not waiting to do some of the things until she got here. My husband helps with what he can, but is also dealing with dementia (not FTD). 

With two weeks yet to go, I am already feeling stressed, even though I have made a lot of changes in the way I handle all the preparations. The way I do everything may not work for you, but I will tell you about those that work for me.

SHOP EARLY:  This is not something new for me since FTD. After a nasty Christmas shopping adventure in the "City of No Brotherly Love" 20 years ago, I have always tried to have my shopping done by Thanksgiving. Doing that now, with FTD, helps to allow me to focus on other Christmas things.

SHOP EASY:  I no longer worry about having the absolutely perfect gift for everyone. I find something I am sure they will love, even if it is not #1 on their list.  Nothing has to be perfectIt is something I tell myself constantly since FTD and it actually sinks in once in a while. I also have broken down and asked for lists. I will buy off the list and then try to have at least a small gift not on the list so it can be a surprise. The stress of trying to come up with the perfect gift is way too much for me since FTD. Also, one or two gifts per person is perfectly adequate.

SHOP ONLINE:  I purchased everything online this year. Most business offer either free shipping or greatly reduced shipping fees during the holidays. I also stick to businesses I know will gladly accept exchanges. When I wrap a gift, I include, underneath the item, the original package and the packing slip so the person can take care of the exchange themselves.

WRAP SIMPLY:  I cringed when gift bags started becoming popular and swore I would never use them. I always carefully wrapped and decorated everyone's packages. It would take at least an entire day with Christmas music playing in the background. I enjoyed it. It was one of those traditions. Since FTD, I broke down and gradually started using them. This year, everything is in bags. I had everything "wrapped" in about an hour. They don't look as lovely under the tree, but some traditions have to be modified in order for me to stay sane.

PACE YOURSELF:  I know I have written before about all the cookies I bake for Christmas. The list of people who want a tray of my cookies is quite long. I finally forced myself to pare down the list. All the people who I never hear from throughout the year or those who never reciprocate with anything for us are off my list. I still bake 12-14 kinds depending on how long I can hold up, but I bake less of them. I am actually down to a single recipe's worth for many of them. (Gasp!) Allowing myself time to rest is essential. For instance, I only bake one kind a day, maybe two if they are easier ones. If I push myself harder than that, I will soon be out of commission for days. This is true for more than just baking. The day I wrapped everything? Even though I was done in an hour, that was enough for that day. I felt wiped out.

DECORATING: I have come up with a simple way to decorate the outside of our house. It only involves four of the net lights, one string of lights and dragging two elves up from the basement to display on the front porch. No ladders involved. The most work is hanging the string of lights around the front door. Combined with the tree that can be seen through the front window, our house looks reserved, but just as festively decorated as all the others. As for indoor decorating, I admit I have gone overboard for 40 years. I have 10 large totes full of indoor decor. The past two years and this year, only half of them have even been opened. Again, the house looks perfectly festive without all the others. I can't bring myself to toss anything though! 

FOOD:  Suggestions for this is to keep it simple. It took me three years into FTD to get that message. I select things that don't require a lot of attention. I used to have a big meal both Christmas Eve and Christmas day. I now do not entertain on Christmas Eve at all. It is just my daughter, my husband and I. The meal is light and easy. We would probably do pizza if any place was open. Instead, our new Christmas Eve tradition is hot buttered rum. It is decadent, loaded with calories, but it is festive as we sit in front of the fireplace. The biggest suggestion I have for food, besides keeping it simple, is accept help! Allowing someone to bring side dishes helps enormously. Allowing (just one or two) people, who want to help, into my kitchen is now welcomed. This was really tough for me the first couple years but it got much easier to accept. It also means that I am not too tired to sit down and eat the meal!

REST:  If Christmas is at your house, like ours is, take breaks. Retreat to your quiet space often, even if just for a few minutes at a time. In addition to no longer entertaining on Christmas Eve, I only offer brunch on Christmas day. I have limited how many people who come on that day as well. This year is will be just five of us. After I have explained to others that I can no longer handle more due to my FTD, if they don't understand, that is on them not me. 

VISITING:  I go to other people's homes, or to parties, as rarely as possible. Being in a less familiar environment has become too stressful to enjoy them at all. The other people I would like to visit with over the holidays are invited here, but on a different day.

NO APOLOGIES:  I no longer fuss and apologize to anyone because of the limitations FTD has thrust upon me. I do believe that if they don't understand, they probably shouldn't be in my life right now anyway. The same thing applies to Christmas cards. I have pared our list down below 40. Yes, that is less, it used to be around 100. That's what happens when you have lived in a lot of places. I do not send to those who have not sent one in the past two years, except for family members who I know don't send cards. I also use printed labels. My card list is now on the computer in label format. I used to hate getting cards that way, it seemed too impersonal. Now I realize that they were the smart ones.

Bottom line is what I already said:  Keep it simple, stupid!  No, I'm not calling you stupid, it was me who took a few years too many to get over having to have everything perfect and to insist on keeping up with all the traditions. Guess what? I think I am the only one who misses any of them! I think, just maybe, they enjoy having me be out of the kitchen for at least part of the day.

Yes, I am serious about that glass of wine in my hand. I find a small glass of wine in the evening allows me to decompress and get somewhere close to relaxing.


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