My brain seems to be going into its "spin cycle" a lot more often these days. Those of you who do not have FTD may not understand what I am talking about. I keep harping about "one thing at a time" and have been since my diagnosis. As the FTD worsens, this principal become more important.
When I am doing something and someone starts to talk to me, my brain goes into that spin cycle and cannot stop to concentrate on either what I am doing or what they are saying. I must pause for around a minute, blank everything from my brain before moving on to focus on the new thing, usually the person talking. I picture it as my brain in a spin cycle and having difficulty finding a cog to slow it down.
I don't know if I am explaining this well enough for anyone to understand. This is part of what is called "executive functioning" and is controlled by the frontal lobe of the brain (Of course, frontal is the "F" of FTD). This is the part of the brain where we analyze and plan a task, organize the steps needed to complete the task and keep to a schedule. It allows us to be flexible and adjust as you go along (cognitive flexibility).
With limited, or no, executive function, due to FTD, the brain has trouble organizing and planning, paying attention to those and things around you, switching focus and shifting between activities and prioritizing tasks. This is the part that is making it nearly impossible for me to switch from one task or thought process to another.
Other problems created by loss of executive function can be not being able to remember details of things. You may remember that you used to build birdhouses, but can no longer remember how you did it. You may be misplacing things or forgetting what you were doing. Damage to the frontal lobe is also what causes difficulty withholding a response or self monitoring of the appropriateness of that response. Now, that part gets me into a lot of trouble sometimes.
I have trouble with all of these things, but right now it is the "Allows us to be flexible and adjust as you go along" part that is impacting me most right now. The loss of that part of my executive functioning is what keeps me from being able to fully realize someone is talking until they are halfway through what they are trying to say. I have to stop doing what I am or thinking about what I am before I can even ask them to repeat themselves. I usually end up shouting something like "Stop, stop!" then waiting however I must to get the brain back in gear before I can pay attention to what they want. Of course other days, I just throw whatever I am holding at the person or calling them nasty things.
This certainly is frustrating for me and I am guessing most of those with FTD. It must also be extremely frustrating to the caregiver and all the other people in our lives. I know how it affects interaction between my husband and me. It is difficult for him to understand how even a tiny little thing occupying my brain can shut down the rest of the brain. It can be something as innocuous as listening to music, leafing through a catalog, or looking at the birds.
It is very exhausting as well. Forcing the brain to keep spinning or bouncing around wears me out. After enough of it (and it doesn't take much), I am done for the day. I am worn out physically, mentally and emotionally. I know that I am not going to function anymore until after a long night's rest. Those are the days I have to send my husband out to pick up dinner or thaw out something in the freezer that he can throw together for us. Odds are that I won't be able decide which option to take. It is also the times that I withdraw to my room by 7 pm.
I still don't know if I explained this well enough. The brain is a complicated thing and what makes sense to someone with FTD does not necessarily make sense to someone with normal brain function. Hopefully, you will understand and, just maybe, it can bring a little more peace to your household.
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