Finding Some of the Old Me

https://www.theaftd.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/CindyODell-CopingWithFTD-Dec2016.pdf

This link is to the booklet that I have mentioned before. Late last year, I actually had the entire document as a blog entry.  I keep getting comments from people who say it has helped them which thrills me that I can contribute in some way. Because of that, I decided I would include the link to the document the way it was published by the AFTD. It is merely common sense approaches to the myriad of problems FTD brings to us. I have been both caregiver and, now, one with FTD myself. It gives me two ways to view things. If you haven't already seen it, please check it out to see if it can help you at all.

This week, I joined the 21st century. I now have an e tablet. It is pretty amazing and does a whole lot more than my old Nook does. The only problem, now that I own it, is trying to figure out how it works. I just finished downloading the owner's guide from the company's website. 78 pages!!!  No wonder I could not instantly figure it out.

I bought my tablet from a young woman I have become to consider a friend. She is an example of how some of my empathy came through even though it had been missing to a huge extent since early in my disease process. I still don't have the compassion that I used to have and I don't cry at much. Many of us with FTD are reluctant to attend funerals because we know that we might slip out of the proper demeanor. Not only would we not appear sympathetic or empathetic, but it is in the realm of possibility that we could break out in laughter.

Back to my friend. She has had way too many bad times in her life for such a young woman. When I first met her and her husband at the time, I immediately sensed an abusive relationship. Fortunately, she realized she did not deserve being treated that way and she broke free. She now has a new husband and seems much happier. That, in turn, makes me happy as well. The two of them, along with their two children, delivered the tablet to me Friday evening. Our husbands started talking cars, so we had lots of time to catch up and I was able to get to know the kids. I mention her personal story, not just because I admire her for getting out of an abusive relationship, but because it was my empathy toward her that has drawn us together and allowed us to keep up a relationship for a year and a half. Hopefully that will continue for a long time.

We sat and talked, her two children talked and bounced around the room as kids do. Usually, that much activity would have caused me to freak out and either start screaming or run away. I believe my empathy toward her was so strong that I could handle the commotion. I have, before FTD, tried to help abused women in any way I could. It was our common abuse experiences that drew us together.

I am thrilled that my lack of empathy still allowed for us to keep in touch and to get to know each other better. It is heart warming to know that while I tend, since FTD, to be cold and uncaring, enough of the old me still exists in my brain and can find its way past that empathy barrier. No, I am not suggesting that the disease has reversed itself. I know that there is still not much hope for it in my lifetime. It is simply that I am overjoyed that there are still bits of the "real me" with me.

While I was struggling with figuring out this tablet all day yesterday, I realized that if I had asked her 9-year-old son to help, he would have had it whipped into shape in a matter of minutes. Meanwhile, I just printed out a 73-page owner's guide. I hope I can report next week that I figure some of it out. Otherwise, when I see my daughter in May, I will have to beg her to help.

Now, for an update. The Association for FTD conducts a fundraiser during February, its "With Love" campaign. When I read about it in their newsletter, I thought "Hey, I can do this!" because they do all the work, I just needed to contact people. I set my goal at raising $4000 and thanks to the generosity of my family and friends, we did it! Even better, the entire campaign met its entire goal and raised the most money yet. So, to those of my friends and family who read this, I say a huge "THANK YOU!" If I offended any of you with my begging and pleading, I am sorry. But, guess what, you'll hear the same begging and pleading next year!  Thanks again!