One of the triggers is the same old "one thing at a time" issue that I harp about constantly. For instance, I continue to read the newspaper every morning even though it can be a struggle. Anyone with FTD will understand how it takes my entire brain even attempt to read. I can no longer just speed read through things like I used to. I think it should be obvious that I am intensely concentrating. Yet, inevitably, someone will pop up and ask a question, turn on the tv or start rattling things around. As I have explained before, that puts my entire brain into a black hole. It becomes impossible to focus on anything.
When I am in that black hole, while struggling to get back to making sense of something, anything, my reaction is to lash out. I know I have written about this many times. Picture me, sitting on the sofa, holding the paper in front of me. When interrupted, I will often start shaking the paper that I am holding, which produces a loud ruckus. I will also scream out something like "One thing, one thing!" Or something harsher like "Why the he!! can you not get it?" Eventually, I will answer the question. If it is an important question or time sensitive to a needed decision, I can pull myself out of it because I understand why the interruption was indeed necessary.
Most often, though, I cannot. Invariably, it is an inane question or one that could wait for hours, or at least until I finish a section of the paper. It doesn't even have to be a question, it can be any interruption at all. My husband likes to show me things. When he fixes a plate of lunch, he shows it to me. (Part of that is my fault, after forcing him to watch too many cooking shows on television, he is all about the presentation on the plate.) I don't care what he is having for lunch or how pretty it looks. I know he takes pride in it, but I don't care. I have FTD and I don't care about much of anything. Plus, the tiny bit of my brain that does still care about anything is busy!
When it is a completely unnecessary interruption, I cannot pull myself out of the bad frame of mind. I am angry that no one can understand that focusing on something is extremely difficult, sometimes impossible. That anger often remains and puts me into a really angry and foul mood for hours or even the rest of the day. If someone were to ask me why I was in a bad mood, it would be very difficult for me to trace it back to that one stupid interruption. I know I am mad, but don't remember why.
Wow, I am guessing you realize that this is a big issue for me by the number of times I write about it. It is indeed a common cause of frustration in my life, but there are many others.
Being trapped inside because of bad weather is another. I don't spend much time out of doors any time of year because of the risk of falling, but enough to prevent cabin fever. In winter, I cannot even go out and sit on the deck. Add to that, the shorter hours of daylight and I fall into a really bad mood, even depression. My husband actually understands this trigger. I spend much of my time in our family room that has a slider opening up to our deck. When it snows (Bear in mind we are in a northern state of the US where it snows frequently in winter.) he tries to shovel a wide path across the deck so that when I am looking out, I don't see the snow that so quickly adds to my feeling trapped. He also clears the way to fill the bird feeders and to feed the squirrels so that I enjoy watching the wildlife.
To combat the shorter days with less sunshine that a body needs, at least my body, I have a full spectrum light in our overhead light in the family room. The bulb rotates between all the colors of the spectrum. I keep it on a setting to fade from one color to another, otherwise the flashing of the color change can be nerve jangling to me. My husband has actually come to like the changing colors and I no longer feel guilty that it bothers him. Neither of these things is a cure, but they do help a bit.
The other biggie to affect my mood is lack of sleep. Sleep issues seem to plague most of us with FTD. Not being able to sleep or not feeling rested after sleeping seems to be the most common. This even becomes a safety risk because, often, when you cannot sleep, you get out of bed and wander around. Walking around the house when you are tired, perhaps disoriented or in the dark, is a much higher risk for falls. If sleep is an issue, it is time to discuss it with the doctor. There are many medications that can help. These range from the simplest, supplementing melatonin, to the more extreme and sedating medications. For me, we have found that Trazodone works best. It is an old medication, actually an anti-depressant, that is not used for that purpose anymore because it makes one so sleepy. Bingo! The other benefit from it is that I no longer wake up with night terrors in the middle of the night. Of course, like any medication, it does not work the same for everyone and it must be discussed with your doctor. It is a prescription drug, so that makes it kind of essential to talk to the doctor anyway.
There are, obviously, many more things that affect my mood. Some affect it for just a few hours, others can affect it for days. My old, tried and true, methods of dealing with a bad mood no longer works. I would always try to create something. I was somewhat of an artist in a few different media and a creative baker. This disease has stolen most of my abilities and those that remain are no longer relaxing, they actually increase my stress. The one thing that helps, somewhat, is to practice Reiki on myself. Even better is to go to the studio and get a certified practitioner give me a session, but that is not usually possible.
When others, not knowledgeable with FTD, pick up on the bad moods or depression, they are quick to offer advice. Some of the most common are that I need to pray more. I need to meditate. I need to take this supplement. I need more Vitamin B. I do believe in the power of prayer. I use Reiki as a way to meditate. I take a full regimen of vitamins. These truly ignorant people make me want to scream. If I attempt to explain that it is caused by my FTD, they look at me like I am the stupidest person on Earth. Then their response is usually something like, "I still say you need to ______ more!" Then they wonder why I avoid spending time with them anymore. Arrrggghhh!
I apologize for going on yet again about "one thing at a time" which is my mantra that I stole from AA's motto of "one day at a time." I should be glad that this seems to be my worst problem with FTD. Well that, along with difficulty swallowing, difficulty finding words or getting them to come out of my mouth, falling, loss of balance, difficulty completing most any task that involves for than one step, and on and on and on...
Hmmm... no wonder I am often in a bad mood.
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