I promise to try to keep this as least a little upbeat.
I have been down in the dumps ever since returning from the conference and the extra few days playing tourist with my daughter. After a week or so, I realized it was due to the fact that I look forward to the conference for several months. Really, really look forward to it. Not only do I learn more about the disease, but I know I will be surrounded by people who all understand it. Adding in the mother/daughter time and it is as close to Nirvana as I seem to be able to reach with FTD.
I think it is pretty much normal to feel down after enjoying that time so much. The same thing happens to me for a week or two after Christmas. Same reasoning applies.
I did not realize just how miserable I was coming across until this morning. I truly believed I was doing a decent job of hiding it. A couple hours ago, I pulled a package of hotdogs out of the freezer. I was determined to have picnic food even though it is cold and rainy. Have to have picnic food for the Memorial Day holiday. Not sure how it relates to honoring all who sacrificed their lives to defend our country, but tradition it has become.
For some reason, the old (very old) jingle for Armour hotdogs popped into my mind and I started singing it. It is pretty scary when you realize all the non-politically correct it would be today. "Hot dogs, Armour hot dogs. What kind of kids eat Armour Hot Dogs? Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks. Tough kids, sissy kids, even kids with chicken post love hot dogs, Armour hot dogs, The dogs kids love to bite!"
See what I mean? No way it would play today! Back to my point, we did not have Armour hot dogs, just two different other brands. My husband and I cannot agree on the best hot dogs, so we have two brands when we have them. Personally, anyone who doesn't love Nathan's hotdogs doesn't have good taste, but I will leave that up to you.
The reason I have gone through this long hotdog story. When the song popped into my head, I had to sing it, with gusto! My husband looked at me like I was crazy. Well, there is that, but let's ignore that. He couldn't remember it and, I suspect, forgot that FTD has not affected my long term memory. After I had retreated back to my computer, he stuck his head in the door and said "It's good to hear you be upbeat, even if it was just for a hotdog jingle."
I thought I had been hiding how down I had been feeling. Virtual slap in the face, girl... you haven't hid it at all!
I have little reminder signs in a few strategic places in the house to remind me to smile and think of good things. I guess I need to start actually seeing the signs again. So, today, when I see the signs, I will think of the lunch out with my friend yesterday and the sinful dessert that I brought home and was able to make into 3 portions to spread out the yummy. It really was 4 portions, but I was extremely generous and let my husband have one. I had the last one as my lunch today. You would have been selfish too if you had tasted this mini caramel cake.
Staying upbeat is going to be difficult this week. After an MRI two weeks ago then an ultrasound yesterday, on Wednesday I must have a biopsy. Then I have to wait an entire week for the results. Mentally, I am not nervous and don't really care. What could be worse than FTD, right? Yet, that tiny little bit of fear keeps sneaking in once in a while.
The good news is, they are doing the procedure at 8 a.m. I don't wake up until noon, even if I am out of bed hours before then. I'm hoping that I will sleep right through it! I know I won't, but a girl can dream!
Now, I ask you all if you remembered the jingle? Guess what? If you did, you are really, really old, right along with me! So, sing along with me: "Hotdogs, Armour hotdogs..."
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