I do realize that it is more than half way through January. I have, however, decided that I need to make a New Year's resolution. I must resolve to do my best to remain positive.
This thought hit me in the face today while scrolling through Facebook. I swear every other post was something negative, mostly about politics. I had already convinced myself that it was way past time for us all to come together no matter which side of the aisle anyone leans toward. Our nation can accomplish much more by working side by side and supporting each other rather than wasting time tearing each other down. I saw, on a friend's post, someone wrote "I am remaining positive in 2017, I am remaining..." Then I saw him posting it again and again. It may as well have slapped me upside the head. I think I will respond with something similar from now on in an attempt to get across the message that we must stand united or our enemies will see us as weak and we will get nothing accomplished.
That is way too much politics to worry about in this blog, but I needed to set the stage. I have been depressed lately and I do believe a big part of it is reading all the political haggling. I am going to attempt to avoid as much as I can while still staying informed.
I must also remain positive about my life with FTD. I need more "I will try that and see if I can," instead of "Forget it, there is no way I can do that! I must realize a cure will be found. It may come too late to help me, but it will be in time for future generations. This is important to me because my FTD is familial and I worry so much about the next generation, my cousins and my niece. I must remain positive that a cure will be found before any of them are affected.
I believe strongly in research and believe it is my responsibility to participate as much as I can to help. I participated in a study for several years and was recently invited to participate in another. Unfortunately, since the closest research center for the study is a five hour drive, I have not agreed to do it. My husband is not comfortable driving that distance anymore. In order to remain positive, I must accept his limitations as well as my own. If I don't, we will always be working at cross purposes and I will never be in a positive frame of mind.
I think it is a very thin line between worrying about the FTD symptoms, that will most likely develop, and being prepared for the possibilities. I must find a way to make changes to our home to make it safer for someone with FTD, yet not allow the necessity of the changes to spiral me down into depression.
A big thing that frustrates me, along with just about everyone who is diagnosed with FTD, is people's ignorance of the disease. This ignorance leads to their dismissal of my symptoms and limitations. In addition to this lack of knowledge, there are many others who are knowledgeable about the disease but refuse to believe that I will ever "get that bad." I guess there is an even finer line between non-acceptance and keeping on with life despite the disease.
Last week, a repairman was in our home. He looked down at the crossword puzzle that I was doing and actually said "Don't you have anything better to do?" This man had been in our home once before about six years ago. He did not know me well enough to say this, even if he was joking. I defended myself by saying that I have a brain disease and that it was actually good for me to do. Not only did I feel it was necessary to defend myself, but I was down in the dumps about it for more than a day. I need to become strong enough to not allow other's ignorance or rudeness affect me.
It is okay to be frustrated and slightly fearful. I think it might be possible to have those feelings while convincing myself to maintain a positive attitude. I also need to remind myself that I always tend to become depressed after the excitement of the Christmas holidays. These post-holiday blues tend to linger until the days start getting longer.
I am already counting down until it is time for the Association for FTD's annual spring conference which I will be attending again this year. Perhaps I should add a count down until spring. In the meantime, I will keep giving myself pep talks and kicking myself in the butt as necessary.
I will be putting up post it notes around the house to remind me to be positive. I am sure I will need a lot of reminders, but I can do this!
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